Marriage

MARRIAGE

GOD

HUSBAND +   WIFE

An intimate and complementing union between a man and a woman in which the two become one physically, in the whole of life.

The purpose of marriage is to reflect the relationship of the Godhead and to serve him. Although the fall has marred the divine purpose and function of marriage, this definition reflects the

 God-ordained ideal for marriage from the beginning.

 Just Married

    

The Image of  God

 Genesis 1:26-27 declares that mankind (Adam) was created in God's image with a plural composition of male and female, each separately in God's image (cf. Gen 5:1-3; 9:6; 1 Cor 11:7; Col 3:10; James 3:9). Although the image of God is never defined in Scripture, contexts in which God's image are discussed must define the concept (cf. 2 Cor 3:18; and Col 3:10). God's image in Genesis 1 includes ruling, creativity (procreation), reasoning power, decision-making, and relationship.

The relational aspect of God's image is reflected in the bringing together of male and female in "one flesh" (Gen 1:27; 2:21-24). This oneness with sexual differences portrays various aspects of God's image: same nature and essence, equal members, intimate relationship, common purpose, and distinct personalities with different roles, including authority and submission. In the Trinity the Father leads, the Son submits to the Father, and the Holy Spirit submits to both the Father and the Son. However, all three are fully and equally deity. Likewise, male and female in the marriage relationship are of the same nature and essence, equal as persons (Gal 3:28), intimate in relationship, common in purpose, but distinct personalities with different roles: the husband leads and the wife submits to his leadership ( Eph 5:31). Marriage appears designed to reflect the same relational unity-in-plurality as the Godhead. Marriage, the most intimate human relationship, was appropriately chosen to reflect this relational aspect of the divine image. Each sex alone incompletely exhibits this part of the divine image.

This open intimate relational aspect of God's image, reflected in marriage, was marred by the fall (Gen 3:7, 10), causing each mate to hide (cover oneself) from each other and from God.

Marriage is the most basic and significant social relationship to humankind. This relationship must be nurtured and maintained for the welfare of all. Without marriage, society will fail.

God's design for marital relationship is heterosexual, not homosexual, and monogamous, not polygamous. This relational aspect of God's image in marriage has analogues portrayed in Yahweh's relation with Israel (Isa 54:5; Jer 31:32; Ezek 16:8-14; Hosea 2:14-20) as well as in Christ's relation with the church (Eph 5:21-33; cf. 1 Cor 11:1-3; 2 Cor 11:2; Rev 19:7-9). Israel is portrayed as Yahweh's wife (Isa 54:5; Jer 31:32; Ezek 16:8-14; Hosea 2:14-20). Her idolatrous unfaithfulness and disobedience to Yahweh are frequently depicted as spiritual "adultery" (Num 25:1-4; Judges 2:17; Jer 3:20; Ezek 16:15-59; 23:1-48; Hosea 1:2; 2:2-13; 3:3) for which she was punished by captivity. Yahweh "divorced" his "unfaithful wife" (Isa 50:1; Jer 3:8; Hosea 2:2), but ultimately will have compassion and delightfully restore her to faithfulness and holiness (Isa 54; 62:4-5; Ezek 16:53-63; Hosea 2:14-3:1).

New Testament marriage imagery describes the relationship between Christ and his church (cf. 2 Cor 11:2; Eph 5:21-33; Rev 19:7-9).

The church, Christ's bride, is sacrificially loved by Christ, just as a husband should love his wife (Eph 5:25,28-30,33). The husband's responsibility is leadership, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body (Eph 5:23).

The wife responds submissively to her husband's sacrificial love like the church submits to Christ's (Eph 5:22,24,33). The husband's love assists her in becoming holy and blameless before God, even as Christ presents the church without blemish to the Father (Eph 5:26-28). Christ's relationship with the church becomes the functional model for a marriage relationship.

God commanded the male and female to perform two specific functions: procreation ("fruitful and multiply") and ruling over the earth ("subdue" and "rule") (Gen 1:28). These are functions that reflect God's image. Humankind (male and female) receive God-ordained authority to rule over the rest of creation, but not over each other.

Human reproduction comes through intimate sexual union designed only for the marriage relationship. Cohabitation abuses the procreative nature of the marriage relationship. While reproduction is a divine purpose of marriage, some couples are unable to have children for various physical reasons. This does not make their marriage second-rate or inferior. However, a married couple should desire to obey the divine injunction of procreation if possible. Children are one manifestation of the "one flesh" of marriage. The procreative injunction obviously precludes homosexual "marriages."

The Marriage Union as God's Work. God brings a man and a woman together in marriage (Matt 19:6; Eve to Adam, Rebecca to Isaac ). It is not humankind's prerogative to separate what God has chosen to put together (Matt 19:6).

As creator of the marriage relationship, God becomes the essential supporting party to a marriage, giving wisdom, discretion, understanding, and love to protect the union and to enable it to honour God (Prov 2:6-16; 1 Cor 13). A marriage can glorify God and function properly only when both partners are believers in the Messiah, Jesus. Then the Holy Spirit guides and enables them in their roles and functions. Continued reliance upon God is imperative for believing spouses.

Marriage as God's Norm for Humankind. God made man a relational being in his own image. Therefore, there is the need for intimate relationship within humankind (Gen 2:18). Such a relationship is also necessary for the reproduction and multiplication of humankind. Without the fall, probably no one would have ever been single. Perfect people would have yielded perfect marriages. Sin brought flaws in humans that sometimes make it difficult to find or sustain a suitable marriage relationship. Being single for life is an exception and, therefore, is declared to be a gift from God (1 Cor 7:7). The single person is normally less encumbered in God's work. So, although marriage appears to be God's norm, singleness is neither more nor less spiritual than marriage (1 Cor 7:32-36).

The Nature of Marriage. Complementarity. The woman was created as "a helper suitable" for the man (ezer kenegdo) (Gen 2:18). The English "complement" best conveys the meaning of neged. A wife is a "helper" who "complements" her husband in every way. A helper always subordinates self-interests when helping another, just as Paul reminds us in Philippians 2:1-11. A helping role is a worthy one, not implying inferiority. The wife, therefore, helps the husband to lead their family to serve and glorify God. The husband also complements his wife so that together they become a new balanced entity that God uses in an enhanced way.

A new permanent union (Gen 2:24). "Cleaving" in Genesis 2:24 pictures a strong bond between the members of this union. The marriage bond was to be permanent. Separation or termination of the marriage union was not an option before sin entered the world and death with it (Gen 3).

 All later revelation shows that separation/divorce was because of sin (Deut 24:1-4; Ezra 9-10; Mal 2:14; Matt 5:31-32; 19:1-12; Mark 10:1-12; Luke 16:18; 1 Cor 7:1-16, 39). God's ideal was for marriage to be permanent and exclusive.

MADAM   =     A D A M   (WORD)  IS THERE

WOMEN  =     M E N      (WORD) IS THERE

So both are inseparable

One flesh (Gen 2:24). "One flesh" involves the unity of the whole person: purpose, physical, and life—a unity whereby the two become a new, God-designed, balanced life. They counterbalance each other's strengths and weaknesses. Sexually the two become "one flesh" physically as reflected in their offspring.

God's ideal exclusiveness of the "one flesh" relationship disallows any other relationship: homosexuality, polygamy, adultery, premarital sex, concubinage, incest, bestiality, cultic prostitution. These and other sexual perversions violate the "oneness" of the marriage relationship and were often punishable by death (Lev 20:1-19; Deut 22:13-27; cf. Rom 1:26-32). Becoming "one flesh" is used in Scripture for the consummating sexual act of marriage.

These aspects of "one flesh" argue against premarital sex, promiscuity, and perversion of the sexual act. The body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 6:19), so believers should be holy in their sexual conduct (Lev 19:2; 1 Thess 4:3-6; 1 Peter 1:15-16), keeping marriage pure.

Intimacy. Commitment to exclusive sexual intimacy is treated with dignity, considered honorable and undefiled (Heb 13:4). Mutual consent is required for any temporal abstinence from sexual relations (1 Cor 7:1-5). Neither spouse is to exploit the other sexually nor use sex to gratify passionate lust (1 Thess 4:3-7). One is to delight always in the wife of his youth (cf. Prov 5:15-19; Eccl 9:9). This intimate relationship is encouraged by God's portrayal of its beauty and dignity in the Song of Songs.

Covenant commitment. The covenant analogy attests the commitment between two married partners (Prov 2:17; Mal 2:14). Emphasis is upon an agreement, a commitment, not upon an analogy of conditionality and unconditionality of some biblical covenants that would extend the marriage covenant analogy beyond its expected scope. This marriage commitment, and faithfulness to it, preclude sexual relations with anyone except one's spouse (Exod 20:14; Lev. 18,20; Rom 1:24-27). Although kings frequently employed marriages to seal foreign treaties in the ancient Near East, such commitments were spiritual as well as physical adultery.

Roles. Although male and female are equal in relationship to Christ, the Scriptures give specific roles to each in marriage. Paul, in continually emphasizing the terms "head" and "submit, " summarizes the basic role of husbands and wives respectively.

The husband is to assume headship/leadership (1 Cor 11:3; Eph 5:23). The normal meaning of biblical headship is leadership with authority, as exemplified in Christ (1 Cor 11:1-10; Eph 1:22; 4:15; 5:23). Headship is a benevolent responsibility without disdaining condescension and patronizing of the woman (Matt 7:12; Luke 22:26; 1 Peter 3:7). Although the husband leads as Christ leads the church, the husband does not have all the rights and authority of Christ. He leads his wife toward dependence upon Christ, not upon himself, for all human leaders are fallible. The husband leads like Christ, being considerate of his wife with respect and knowledge. He considers the ideas of those he leads, because they may be better than his own. Leadership's goal is not to show the leader's superiority, but to elicit all the strengths of people for the desired objective. Headship is not male domination, harshness, oppression, and reactionary negativism (cf. 2 Cor 1:24; Eph 5:29; Col 3:19), for "no one ever hated his own body."

Leadership assumes the responsibility to initiate and implement spiritual and moral planning for a family. Others, however, should also think, plan, initiate, and give input. The husband, however, must accept the burden of making the final choice in times of disagreement, although seldom should this be needed.

The husband's leadership and its authority is a God-given responsibility to be carried out in humility. Inappropriate use of leadership should be curbed by the unique intimacy and union implied in the phrases "one flesh, " "no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, " and "joint heirs of the grace of life" (Eph 5:29-31; 1 Peter 3:7).

The husband leads with an attitude of love. Christ's love for the church provides the model (Eph 5:25-33; Col 3:19). The husband loves his wife as he would his own body (Eph 5:25), nourishing and cherishing her (v. 29). He gives himself sacrificially for her benefit as Christ sacrificially loved the church. Such love rules out treating his wife like a child or servant; rather he assists her to be a "fellow-heir."

Biblical love thinks first of the other person (cf. 1 Cor 13). It is a mental decision and commitment. God also gave emotions of love that should follow the mental act of love else the emotional aspect becomes infatuation or lust. Love protects, cares, trusts, and delights in the best for the other. The husband initiates love (Eph 5:25; 1 Peter 3:7). He who loves his wife surely loves himself.

The husband is to treat his wife with respect and considerateness (1 Peter 3:7). The husband bestows honour upon his wife. He always shows respect for her privately and in public.

The husband appropriately provides for and protects his wife. This does not mean that the wife cannot assist in supporting the family, for Proverbs 31 demonstrates that a godly wife may surely do so. The husband should always be willing to suffer for her safety.

The wife submits to her husband's headship (Eph 5:21-24; Col 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-6). Submission's basic meaning is "to submit or subordinate to a higher authority." It is a predisposition to yield to the husband's leadership and a willingness to follow his authority. The husband does not command the wife to do this. The verb implies that she does this voluntarily. Submission does not imply that the wife is inferior, less intelligent, or less competent. Christ submitted to the Father but was not inferior or less God than the Father (1 Cor 11:3; 15:28). Submission does not indicate that the wife puts her husband in the place of Christ. Christ is supreme in all things! The submissive wife does not give up independent thought. Believing wives with unbelieving husbands think independently, while still submitting to their husbands (1 Cor 7:13-14). She might seek to influence her husband for right and to guide him in righteousness (1 Peter 3:1-2). Submission never signifies that a wife gives in to her husband's every demand. If demands are unrighteous, she submits to her higher authority, Jesus.

A wife submits to her own husband. Relationships with other men are different in areas of submission and leadership.

Some feel that Ephesians 5:21 argues that the husband and wife are equally submissive. In its context the best understanding sees this verse as an introduction to three particular areas where people are submissive to one another: wives to husbands (vv. 22-33); children to parents (6:1-4); and servants to masters (6:5-9). Mutual submissiveness does not fit the latter two categories.

A wife should submit with an attitude of honour, reverence, and respect (Psalm 45:11; Eph 5:33). A wife affirms and nurtures her husband's leadership. She submits in the same manner that she and the church submit to Christ (1 Peter 3:6). This analogy provides a good gauge. The wife demonstrates a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4), not demanding

her own way or insisting on her rights. A wife's respect is primarily for the role of leadership that her husband occupies, not necessarily for his merits, though that would be the ideal. She recognizes the God-given leadership with regard and deference.

Effect of the Fall on Marriage. The fall made human hearts hard toward God and toward each other. The relational aspect of God's image became marred. Rebellion against submission to male leadership was Satan's initial temptation (Gen 3:1-6, 17; contra. Eph 5:33; 1 Peter 3:1). Male domination and harshness crept into leadership (cf. Col 3:19; 1 Peter 3:7). Sin caused polygamy, concubinage, incest, adultery, rape, prostitution, and all kinds of immorality (cf. Lev. 18, 20; Rom 1:26-32) to damage or destroy the marriage relationship

 After one Year- Marriage is Broken

Marriage commitments are violated. Divorce, premarital sex, and couples living together out of wedlock would never have occurred had not sin entered the world. The fall severely damaged the marriage relationship.

For marriage to function now according to God's ideal, believers in Christ need to marry only believers. Whenever God directly brought a man and woman together in marriage, both were believers. Although pagan customs encouraged marriage with anyone (cf. Gen 16), Israel was given explicit commands not to marry foreigners who would lead them to worship foreign deities (Deut 7:1-4; 13:6-11; 17:1-7; 20:17; 23:2).

New Testament believers are also not to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers (2 Cor 6:14), meaning any action causing the union of believer with nonbeliever, or non believing ways, must be avoided.

. The excellent wife is rare, as we have already pointed out. Her worth is more than jewels; she is “priceless” find. Here is a list of the characteristics presented in the text: Proverbs 31 chapter

• She is trustworthy. (v. 10-11)
• She only does her husband good. (v. 12)
• She is a diligent worker. (v. 13)
• She makes sure that there is ready food, physically and spiritually. (v. 14-15)
• She works on the side to make a profit for the home. (How much a woman can and should work outside the home is dependent on the specific circumstances, though her chief responsibility is to see to things in the home (see Titus 2:5)). (v. 16)
• She is strong physically, emotionally, and spiritually. (v. 17)
• She rejoices in the fruit of her labour. (v. 18)
• She is mindful of the needs of her family even if it means having to get up at night. (v. 18)
• She is able to take care of needs around the home such as for clothing. But more than that, she reaches out to others, especially those in need, with a sensitivity that only a woman can possess. (v. 19-20)
• She makes sure her family is well-clothed and is able to present themselves with dignity. (v. 21-22)
• Her husband has achieved respect and recognition by the leading men at least partly because of his wife’s influence on him and in the community. (v. 23, also cross reference verse 31)
• She uses her gifts and training to make quality items for the community in return for a profit for her home. (v. 24)
• She is not living in fear and worry because she draws her strength from the Lord and realizes that a person of dignity lives in confidence in Him. (v. 25)
• When she speaks, she speaks wisdom and sound teaching which is given with kindness and grace. (v. 26)
• She is not lazy but takes great care to make sure her household is taken care of and in order. (v. 27)
• Her children and husband bless her, thank her, and praise her because of who she is and how she lives. (v. 28-29)

31^st chapter of Proverbs,. He says in Rather, it is the fear of God and not mere beauty or charm that leads to being a woman of excellence. The woman who fears God will be praised by her family and by Almighty God. Her community will respect her, and her deeds and all that her hands have laboured to create, serve, and give will be evidence of her excellence.”  What an incredible passage this is and so full of wisdom! 

The feminist movement wants Christian women to focus on their careers above their homes, be the dominant leading influence at home, and even try to live independent of a loving relationship with a husband. They end up trying to be the men they always wanted to marry. But this passage presents a more excellent way. She plays her God-given role, which Titus 2:3-5 describes as follows:

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” 

Young women, future mothers and wives, take this passage to heart. God wants you to love your husband and children, which you cannot do if you are off pursuing your own agenda. Sure, you can work, just like the excellent wife in Proverbs 31 does. But don’t let work get ahead of your children and husband. You are to be sensible, pure, workers at home, and kind. Many well-meaning Christians take this passage to mean that the woman’s place is in the home, period. I tell you based upon both this passage and the Proverbs passage that the woman has a duty and obligation to make sure her household is in order and that her family is fed, clothed, and cared for. However, that does not imply that there may be time periods in her life where it is sensible (another characteristic of excellence according to the Titus passage) to earn some money for her home, just as the excellent wife did. But Scripture does put the emphasis on taking care of the home front, so she must not neglect such an important ministry and calling. The final thing this passage teaches is that women must be subject to their husbands, otherwise the Word of God will be dishonoured. If God commands that a woman ought to submit to her husband and she does not, then it is obvious that God is being dishonoured. But let’s look into Ephesians 5, another key passage on marriage, to determine more of why God desires the wife to be subject to the husband and what that actually means. 

Ephesians 5:21-33 says:

“21and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

   22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

   23For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Saviour of the body.

   24But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

   25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

   26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

   27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

   28So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

   29for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

   30because we are members of His body.

   31FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.

   32This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

   33Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

            Verse 21 tells us that we need to be subject to one another. This is not saying that there is no separation of roles in the marriage. All it is saying is to put the interests of your spouse ahead of your own. As Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Treat the other as more important than yourself and put the needs of the other ahead of your own. 

            Verse 22 begins the specific command to the wife. The wife is to be subject to the husband as to the Lord. How are we subject to the Lord? We follow His lead because we know that He has our best interests in mind. We submit to His will for our lives because we know that He understands our needs and desires and will do what is best for us. We lean on Him as our source of strength, as our authority, as our protector, and as our provider. We feel secure and at rest in His presence and in His arms. We don’t have to bear the load and responsibility ourselves. This is the idea that the Lord wants us to see here in the subjection of the woman. It has nothing to do with giving in to the whims and desires of a slave driver or brutal taskmaster. Nobody would want to submit to such people. Our marriages are to reflect the relationship of Christ and His church. 

The husband, says verse 23, is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church. Why and how is He the head? Because He Himself was the Saviour of the church. He is the head because He made Himself low by giving up His privileges in heaven, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. He went to the cross and gave up His life so that we may live. Greater love has no man than this,  that he lay down his life for his friends. Our Head did this. As a church, we have no qualms about submitting to this kind of a Lord. Ladies, would you get embittered if you had to submit to a man who would love you like Christ did, putting your interests so ahead of his own that you know he would go so far as to give his life for you if the need arose? Can you imagine being with a man who would love you so wonderfully that it is a reflection of how much Christ loved you? How awesome would it be to be with a man who, as verse 28 and 29 say, would love you as his own body, thus taking it upon himself to nourish and cherish you? If you think you would struggle in such a position, something wrong has happened to your heart. Likely it has been damaged in some way. For most women, this is the ultimate dream come true. And this shouldn’t come as a surprise to us, for it was God’s idea and design from the beginning. 

            Verse 24 tells us that wives need to be subject in everything to their husbands. That does not mean that they need their husband’s permission before their every thought, word, and action. It means deferring final decision-making power and responsibility to your husband. There is no difference in the value of the person or in their individual importance. Each just plays a different role. We must understand that God has called the wife and the husband to differing roles. They are complementary and supplementary. When both act according to God’s design, a beautiful whole and an amazing harmony emerge. It is a shame that too often submitting to a husband becomes a difficult task. It ought to not be that way. And if husbands perform their role as loving leaders, perhaps it won’t be so difficult to submit.

            The conclusion of the Ephesians passage is that our marriages represent a great mystery. God uses the husband to sanctify the wife and draw her into a more perfect expression of love, submission, and holiness, reflecting the church’s intended purpose and posture. The wife’s submissive and respectful spirit encourages the husband to step up and be a man and lead, make decisions, and take initiative. When both wife and husband live according to their God-given roles, peace and joy will be the result. And we will be providing a clear picture to the world of how much Christ loves His church and how joyful and easy it is to submit to His plan and purpose when we are secure in His love for us. 

            It is no doubt a difficult task as a woman to be able to live the life of excellence. Only a few achieve it. But that is not because it is impossible for all things are possible with Christ. Rather it is that too few desire to walk in faith and be that person. It really boils down to a matter of desire and Christian commitment. Many woman fear the idea of submission, likening it to being imprisoned. I tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. So you just do your part and be the woman of God that He has created you to be. 

 

Separated                        Where Shall I Go ??

                                         

                                                                              

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labour. (10) For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. (11) Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? (12) Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
I would like to share with you, The Ten Commandments of Marriage, five for the ladies and five for the men. We will begin with the ladies of course.

 Five Commandments for the Wives
1. Give up on Your Quest for a Perfect Marriage
Marriage is the most difficult and complex of all human relationships and it requires patience, skill, tact, emotional and spiritual growth. You can “grow a good marriage” if you are willing to work at it.
Maybe we need to adopt the philosophy of the woman who responded when the pastor asked if she too her husband for better or worse. She said, “He can’t get much worse, and there ain’t no hope of him getting any better, so I take him as he is.”
It takes a wise and patience wife to make a good husband. They seldom come ready made.

2. Give up on all Hope of Changing your Husband through Criticism or Attack
The simple truth is “you cannot make your husband more thoughtful by complaining!” Such tactics usually have one of two results with men, they will either retreat or they will become hostile.

We can change no one other than ourselves by direct action. We can only change ourselves and when we change, others tend to change in reaction to us. Give up making demands. Abandon the martyr stance. Be what you want him to be.

3. Give Praise and Affection (Instead of Seeking it)
(Ephesians 4:29) “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” (NKJV)
Be your husband’s biggest fan. Your husband has deep needs to be admired. He wants to know if you value him, if you respect what he does, if you are proud of him.
If your friends only knew your husband by what they heard you say about him, what would they think?
When you are around your women friends don’t rag on your husband, brag on your husband. Say good things about him to others. It will pay dividends in your relationship.

4. Do Things Your Husband Likes to Do.
“Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get better return for their labour (10) If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble.” (NLT) (Eccles 4:9, 11)
Guys want their wives to be their best friends. They want to hang out with them. They want their wives to share their interest.
Enjoy time with your husband. Develop the intimacy that comes from having fun together.
5. Provide a Peaceful Place
Proverbs 17:1 (NKJV) “Better is a dry morsel with quietness, Than a house full of feasting with strife.”
Would you say that your home is stress-reducing or stress producing? I know that it is difficult to create a peaceful, loving environment, especially in this society of two career families. In no way am I suggesting that it is the wife’s sole responsibility to turn her house into a home. It is a team effort.
Just remember that the first few minutes inside the door set the tone for the rest of the evening. Meet him at the door and welcome him home.
Don’t meet him at the door with the news that Jimmy has been bad, the sink is backed up and oh, yea the bank called and we are overdrawn.

II. Five Commandments for Husbands
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life…”
Men listen carefully this may be the most important message you will hear all year. If you want bonus points with your wife today at least pretend to be listening. Extra points go to any man actually writing something down.

1. Assign Top Priority to your Marriage Relationship
Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV) “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,”
Don’t take your marriage or your mate for granted. You may even need to help around the house. Some men actually seem to believe that God created Adam and noticed all the clothes lying around all over the garden and created a woman to pick them up. One woman said that her husband’s idea of helping out was to lift his feet when she is vacuuming.
Guys we need to put our relationship with our spouse back at the top of the list. Guys where do you think that your wife would say that she is on your priority list? Does she have to compete with your work? With your hobbies?

2. Dare to Talk (Give Praise) and Reassurance
In the book of Proverbs (16:24) we find this wise words of advice, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

3. Listen without feeling the need to solve the Problem.
James 1:9 “…..take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak….”
A common compliant  from women is that their husbands don’t listen to them and understand them. The men, on the other hand, are bewildered and say, “I do listen to her!” What is happening typically is that the woman wants to talk about a problem and share how she is feeling about it, the man wants to get out the problem and solve it.
The conversation may go like this.
The woman says, “I had a terrible day a work
today.”
The man says, “Well, why don’t you quit.
She says, “I didn’t say I wanted to quit. I
was just trying to tell you I had a hard day.”
He says, “If you didn’t want my opinion
why did you ask for it.”
She says, “Just forget I said anything.”
He says, “I will.”
For the next week try to listen to your wife, let her know you understand how she feels and don’t try to fix situation unless she asks you to.

4. Avoid Criticism
Proverbs 13:3 “He who guards his mouth preserves his life, But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.” (NKJV)
A man who constantly criticizes and put down his wife can produce numerous results in his wife almost all of them negative. A regular barrage of criticism, even when warranted, is always destructive.
Criticism in any area is inevitable in almost any human relationship, but the less there is, the more satisfactory the marriage.

5. Remember the Importance of Little Things
Men are usually less sentimental than women and attach less significance to such things as birthdays, anniversaries and “special days,” and are apt to over look the little gestures that mean so much to women. Love is not just a feeling; it involves positive actions which can mean a lot to a woman.
A husband that forgets his wedding anniversary or his wife’s birthday has committed all most unforgivable sin. Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and Christmas all call for special recognition.
For some you to begin to do this will be a shock to your wife. It may be like the story I heard, “A husband was told by the marriage counsellor   to try and be nice to his wife.

Conclusion
It has been said, “Marriage is never finished, the lesson is never learned, the effort is never at an end. Marriage like life is a matter of solving the little things, the big things generally take care of themselves.”
Success in Marriage does not depend on finding the right person so much as it does on being the right person. Focus on the person you can change, and that is yourself.

 It is not marriages that fail, it is people that fail, all that marriage does is reveal that failure.
If the church is to have the impact on the world and our society that God intends for us to have there must be a re-commitment of Christian homes and marriages to be what God want them to be. Perhaps you need to begin by making or renewing your commitment to Christ as the Lord of your life.
In the final analysis the only person who can meet your deepest needs is Jesus. If you are looking for a man or woman to do that you are looking in the wrong place. God is the only one who can do that, why not turn to Him today?

A Perfect Family According to God's Plan

   Stop Complaining!

Do all things without complaining...

Philippians 2:14

1) Complaining is addictive. The cycle goes: You've a problem; you complain and remain stuck in it; you feel bad, so you complain even more and you end up with stress, not solutions. How foolish is that?

2) Complaining robs you of God's blessing. Instead of committing it to God, you're doubting His wisdom and His provision. God put twenty-three thousand Israelites to death for doing that. 'Do not grumble, as some of them did - and were killed… These things… were written down as warnings for us… ' (1Corinthians 10:10-11 ). Don't just check your attitude, change it!

3) Complaining affects your health. 'A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body… ' (Proverbs 14:30 ). Be honest, how many calm, undisturbed complainers do you know? Instead of complaining, work on your attitude. Start counting your blessings. A wise man once said, 'I complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.' Consider what author Barbara Johnston speaks about: 'A hand-lettered sign nailed to a telephone pole said, "Lost dog with three legs, blind in left eye, missing right ear, tail broken, and recently castrated. Answers to the name of Lucky." ' The Bible says: 'In everything (notice, it doesn't say for everything, but in everything) give thanks; for this is the will of God' (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

Stop Complaining but Start Giving Thanks

When you feel tempted to complain, instead of filing your complaint, file a praise. It will change your life. Philippians 2:13 says, “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.”

One last thing we can to do to produce a spirit of thanksgiving is to DEVELOP THE DAILY DISCIPLINE OF GIVING THANKS. In order to be thankful people we need to start to give thanks every day. Not just once a year on Thanksgiving. We need to discipline ourselves to find something each day that we should be thankful for and express our thanks to God. Perhaps create a journal or a file on our computers where we list the things God has done for us. Call it a praise file. Thanksgiving must become a daily habit.

Ephesians 5:19 says, “Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything.” Always is the key word. Not just on Thanksgiving every day.

In Daniel 6 we read that Daniel got down on his knees three times every day and prayed and gave thanks to his God. And how many of us do that? The only time in our lives we give thanks is on Thanksgiving Day once a year because the government mandates it as a holiday.

Remember the old hymn? “When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed, when you are discouraged thinking all is lost. Count your many blessing, name them one by one. And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.” Thanksgiving is a daily discipline.

I found this list of questions you can ask to test whether you are a grateful person or not? #1 which do you tend to talk about more – your blessings, or your disappointments? #2 Are you a complainer, always grumbling, always finding fault with your circumstances? #3 Are you content with ...what you have, or always dissatisfied and wanting more? #4 Do you find it easier to count your blessings, or is it easier to count your afflictions? #5 Do you express thanks to others when they help you, or do you just take it as your due? #6 Would others say that you are a thankful person?

Godly Fathers are the Man of Prayers! 

Godly Father is kind, loving, compassionate, good provider, honest, hardworking, generous, forgiving, humble, faithful and reliable towards his wife and children. He .fears God and is obedient to His Word.

A Father cannot fully love his children and fulfil his role as a parent without having the knowledge and love of God because Since God is the perfect Father, one of the most important things we can do is get to know God better and seek him. Godly Father will keep Jesus Christ as the centre of his marriage and family. Godly Father must be right example for their children and obedient towards God and his family members. A  Godly Father should demonstrate faithfulness, responsibility,   caring, gracious, generous, keeping promises, displaying good  character ,knowing interests of the family and controlling his  temper, instructing and guiding  his children in the ways and words of the Lord for their own spiritual development and well-being and  lead his family to  church, Bible study, devotional time, prayer , other spiritual activities , godly determination to preserve his family and keeping his family from all evil, temptation, lust, and unbelievers.(2 Timothy2:16) 

My son, if  sinners entice you, do not consent." Proverbs 1:10 

Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn away from it and pass on." Proverbs 4:14

For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

"...all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. But evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived. But you must continue in the things which you have learned..." 2 Timothy 3:1-14

“For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory” (1 Thessalonians 2:11,12). Godly father goes to God often on behalf of his family, asking for wisdom and courage for himself, and protection for his wife and children, Job 1:5 tells us that Job rose early in the morning and made a sacrifice for his children. Father should demonstrate love for the mother of his children. 

1 Peter 3:7 says a father needs to understand his wife, becomes the role model of a loving, nurturing person living in loving relations.

FATHER

F – Faith is necessary for a man to fulfil his responsibilities to his God,

 Family, neighbours, and friends

A – Action is necessary in being a good Christian and father.

T – Teaching others by word and example

H – Holy in conduct and attitude.

E – Encouragement is part of being a father.

R –Reverence   towards God.

We need to remember that if any one says 'I know Him,' and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.  But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him."

A Godly Father will honour his marriage vows because he respects God’s commandment, He loves his wife  and is  not bitter against her. He will honour his wife as the weaker vessel, be there for his children, provide for his family, and be a good spiritual leader. (1 Peter 3.7; 1 Timothy 5.8; Matthew 22.39). But it all starts with his commitment and love for God. "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with your entire mind" (Matthew 22.37).

A Godly father has a good reputation. Proverbs 22:1 A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. In Deut 6, God says through Moses: "These commandments I give you this day are to be upon your hearts, and you shall teach them diligently to your children" at all times.

A Godly father will not think according to worldly way he avoids anything that would pollute the home like smoking, drinking, drugs, sexual immorality, ungodly people,  bad  television programs which is based on immorality, violence etc., being workaholic. He will see his family members are clothed with humility, pure, righteous and holy.

By working day and night men cannot give diligent attention to more important matters such as God and attention towards family because the workaholic Father pursues his career at the expense of his family and he selfishly ignores his wife and children in many ways. In psalm 121, Solomon begins by telling us that unless God builds our house; our efforts in building it are vain. God is concerned with how high a priority we place on our houses and family.

The best way to raise godly children is, by parents being godly  and setting and living as a Godly example . A Godly father should demonstrate love for the mother of his children.(  1 Peter 3:7) says a father needs to understand his wife. He becomes the role model of a loving, nurturing person living in loving relations.

Some of the Biblical Godly Fathers are Noah, Abraham, Job, Joseph, Jacob, Jephthah, Aaron etc.

As parents, we need to teach our children to seek godly character, for themselves, and in those with whom they would associate. Along with loving God and being a godly example by committing ourselves to His commands, we need to “Repeat them again and again to our children. Talk about them when we are at home and when we are away on a journey, when we are lying down and when we are getting up again. Tie them to our hands as a reminder, and wear them on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of our house and on our gates” (Deuteronomy 6:7-9).

Money-money-money

Do not go behind money-Let money come behind you,

Do not serve money-let money serve you

1Ti 6:10  For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

Love of money - Commonly called "prudent care" of what a man has. Is the root - The parent of all manner of evils. Which some coveting have erred - Literally, missed the mark. They aimed not at faith, but at something else. And pierced themselves with many sorrows - From a guilty conscience, tormenting passions, desires contrary to reason, religion, and one another. How cruel are worldly men to themselves!

Ti 6:11  But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

But thou, O man of God - Whatever all the world else do. A man of God is either a prophet, a messenger of God, or a man devoted to God; a man of another world. Flee - As from a serpent, instead of coveting these things. Follow after righteousness - The whole image of God; though sometimes this word is used, not in the general, but in the particular, acceptation, meaning only that single branch of it which is termed justice. Faith - Which is also taken here in the general and full sense; namely, a divine, supernatural sight of God, chiefly in respect of his mercy in Christ. This faith is the foundation of righteousness, the support of godliness, the root of every grace of the Spirit. Love - This St. Paul intermixes with everything that is good: he, as it were, penetrates whatever he treats of with love, the glorious spring of all inward and outward holiness.

Greedy

Pro 15:27  He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live.

Troubleth - Brings God's curse upon himself and family. Gifts - Bribes given to corrupt judgment. Live - Shall preserve himself and family from ruin.

Isa 56:11  Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.

Say they - Unto their brethren, fellow - priests, or other jolly companions. Fill ourselves - We will drink not only to delight, but even to drunkenness, as the word signifies, which shews their dreadful security and contempt of God, and their abandoning of all care of their own or peoples souls.

Pro 1:19  So are the ways of every one that is greedy of gain; which taketh away the life of the owners thereof.

Greedy - That seeks gain by wicked practices.

Jas 4:7   Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Resist the evil which is devil –the love of money (greed) it will flee from you.

THE SECRET OF A HAPPY LIFE

I Thess. 5:16-18


You could never explain it to a lost man but true happiness can never be found in the temporal things of this life. It is a certain stat of the soul when it is filled with the peace of God and lit up with the sunshine of heaven. We often speak of the sorrow and suffering of the Christian life. Unfortunately, some have adopted such a pessimistic view that their life in Christ is nothing more than religious drudgery...and to some it is sheer misery. It was never meant to be this way. The Christian life is a happy one.
Of course, it is possible that one day you may be called upon to suffer for the sake of Jesus...and certainly you should be prepared for that...AND it is true that joy and happiness are two different animals ...but the joy that is the possession of a child of God should lead to an overflowing happiness.
In these verses we have revealed to us the secret of a happy life.


I. THE SECRET OF A HAPPY LIFE IS FOUND IN THE CONSTANT AND FAITHFUL DISCHARGE OF CHRISTIAN DUTIES.
A. It is our duty to continually rejoice. (Vs. 16)
1. To rejoice is not only a privilege, but a duty; the believer is as much obliged to rejoice as he is to believe.
2. Remember the circumstances that the church at Thessalonica was going through at the time of this writing. (I Thess. 2:14; 3:2-3)
3. These people were in a situation of sin, sorrow, and death. Their church was being sorely tried...and yet the counsel from Paul was that they rejoice. He knew that Christianity could not be recommended by sour looks and death tones.
4. The Christian does not lose his joys, he only exchanges them. He exchanges temporal, fading, earthly joys for joy unspeakable, glorious, and that does not fade away.
B. It is our duty to pray always. (Vs. 17)
1. I understand that most Bible scholars interpret this as "being in a constant attitude of prayer". Although I am not quite sure just exactly what that means.

2. I believe that it means to always be in a frame of mind and spirit that you could stop and approach God’s throne of grace at any given moment of the day or night. Surely this should be a glaring characteristic of Christians.

3. This is the secondary meaning of this verse but we often overlook the primary meaning. Which is to "Pray without ceasing". It only makes sense that since we are in need every moment, that we should seek help through prayer every moment.

4. There is certainly nothing wrong in promoting the idea that the Lord would have us to be frequent in our prayers.
A. It has been said that "He who prays the most, lives the best." Never pass up an opportunity to talk to you Heavenly Father.
B. The clue to why we experience so many unanswered prayers is probably found in this verse. How many times have you quit praying for something after only one or two times?

1. In I Kgs. 18, Elijah, praying for rain, had to ask 7 times before he saw a little cloud the size of a man’s hand rising out of the sea.

2. (Acts 12) – After being delivered miraculously from prison, Peter went to the home of Mary, the mother of John Mark, where his friends were praying for him. Rhoda answered his knock on the door, but in her excitement she neglected to let him in before she told the good news to the others. (Read 12:16)
5. Of course we should always live in the spirit of prayer. Let the whole work of life be as prayer offered to God.
C. It is our duty to be ever grateful.
1. Prayer should always be accompanied with thanksgiving. What we may pray for, for that we must give thanks.
2. Ephesians 5:18-20
3. How often do you stop to say, "Thank you" to God?


II. THE SECRET OF A HAPPY LIFE IS IN HARMONY WITH THE WILL OF GOD.
(Vs. 18b)
A. It is the will of God that His people should rejoicing, praying, and thankful.
B. This is not some impossible keeping of the law or straining to meet some perfect standards. This is completely possible. All the children of God are able to please their Heavenly Father.

A VALUE SYSTEM ORIENTED AROUND GOD’S WORD IS THE PATHWAY TO CONTENTMENT ;  Psalms  119 chapter verses :57 - 64
6 KEYS TO CONTENTMENT:

I. (:57) BEING SATISFIED WITH THE LORD
"The Lord is my portion" -- this is the major key
What else do we need? We’ve got the whole pie! We’ve got the only pie that counts!
"I’d rather have Jesus than riches or gold"
"Content to let the world pass by, to know no gain nor loss"

II. (:58-60) SEEKING GOD’S FAVOR
"I entreated Thy favour with all my heart"
"Be gracious to me"
Self-effort cannot realize contentment
Confidence that God is a good God and delights to give good gifts to His children

1) We Walk Circumspectly
"I considered my ways" -- sensitive to missteps
"And turned my feet to Thy testimonies" -- correction

2) We Obey Instantly
"I hastened and did not delay to keep Thy commandments"

III. (:61) NOT PANICKING UNDER PRESSURE
"The cords of the wicked have encircled me"
Proof that our Value System is oriented around God’s Word:
We Remain Focused on God’s Word
"But I have not forgotten Thy law"

IV. (:62) GIVING THANKS ALWAYS
"At midnight I shall rise to give thanks to Thee" -- no bitterness here; nothing taken for granted.
We Agree with God’s Verdict of Right and Wrong
"Because of Thy righteous ordinances"
V. (:63) FELLOWSHIPING WITH OTHER GOD-FEARERS
"I am a companion of all those who fear Thee"
Good companions foster good morals

 (:64) SEEING GOD’S LOVE EVERYWHERE
"The earth is full of Thy loving kindness, O Lord"
Some people see a glass as half empty vs. seeing it as half full
Positive attitudes (Phil. 4:6-8)

Allow God to Work in your Life

When God goes to work people become better
When God goes to work people become wiser
When God goes to work people become stronger
When God goes to work people become holy
When God goes to work people become righteous
When God goes to work the guilty become innocent
When God goes to work the sinner is forgiven
When God goes to work the miserable receive happiness
When God goes to work the hungry are feed
When God goes to work the cold are comforted
When God goes to work battles are won
When God goes to work burdens are lifted
When God goes to work diseases are cured
When God goes to work promises are fulfilled
When God goes to work sin is conquered
When God goes to work critics are silenced
When God goes to work families are made strong
When God goes to work problems are eliminated
When God goes to work lives are transformed